But I like myself, and that makes me cool. Laura Lee Winslow: No, it's a work of Harriette, get it, Art, Harriette? So they picked up all out stuff and moved us again. Who? Steve Urkel: I had my first allergy attack when I was nine. I kept quiet last week and I haven't say anything tonight. Steve Urkel: Oh, no buts! He held operations in Chicago. Steven Quincy "Steve" Urkel: [Unstraps his gloves] Sir, not only have you harrassed and insulted me, but you have sullied the reputation of my lady love. Everyone would think that Laura is in love with Steve Urkel and no one would vote for her. Harriette: What for? But I have feelings, too. The only reason I asked you to be my partner was because I was worried about my grade. Stefan Urquelle: You can take a bus or an airplane. It's to another restaurant. Urkel defeats him]. Snap, Sidekick: [with the Serpents] All the doo-dah day. Steven 'Steve' Quincy Urkel: [Opens Diary] January 1, We had a wonderful New Years Eve party, except Carl got sick and threw up in the living room. Right now we're going to have a wedding, but directly after that we're going to have a funeral. Edward 'Eddie' James Arthur Winslow: Next Saturday. Steve Urkel: 'Standardized Urkel Elementary Math Exam'. And I hear myself telling her the same things my mother told me. Waldo Geraldo Faldo: Cheating is wrong, Eddie, and you should know that. Edward 'Eddie' James Arthur Winslow: I prefer to call it sharing. Laura: Doth thou love me? Rachel Crawford: Exactly what were Eddie's instructions? I'm going home! [Turns and squirts filling on Carl's shirt]. 5. He just told you to get lost. Steve Urkel: Why, come back here, you little hussy! Estelle 'Mother' Winslow: [to Carl] I know you're stubborn as a mule but you don't have to act like a jackass! Estelle 'Mother' Winslow: Carl and his father planned on doing a lot of things together, but they never got the chance. Myra Monkhouse: Mr.Winslow, I am very sorry. So you have to make every minute count. Edward 'Eddie' James Arthur Winslow: Weasel, you are the last person who should be giving me advice about girls. Willie Fuffner: [sigh] That's different. Rachel Crawford: Mother Winslow, guess what? Where did you get the money for this? [sees the kids] Oh my Lord! Carl: Oh, you heard me, don't ever come back. In fact, they finally introduced me to my grandparents. Cornelius Eugene Urkel aka OGD: He must've been dangerous. Steven 'Steve' Quincy Urkel: Myra, your mother told me you came here, so I assumed you're becoming a nun. Laura Lee Winslow: Well that really bugs me. And there is nothing you can do to ever change my mind. Harriette Winslow: [gives him a tray of drinks] Here, take these with you. Laura: Steve, I can't talk now. Harriette Winslow: You were gone for three hours. Stefan Urkelle: Wake me, shake me, break me, but baby, don't forsake me. Bye! Stefan Urkelle: Not I know that's not Carl. When my dad said you fixed me up with Laura; why, I thought I'd wet my pants! Carl: Stefan, you gotta help me. Steve Urkel: [points to Eddie] His words, not mine. Don't mess with Mrs.Bonecrusher! Edward 'Eddie' James Arthur Winslow: [nervous laughter] Great Wedding, huh dad. Never snort with a hangover! [Rachel walks into the living room with Richie's broken penguin beak, coutesy of a jealous Judy]. Actor Jaleel White, famous for his cultural touchstone role as Steve Urkel in Family Matters, is entering the cannabis industry.Through a partnership with 710 Labs, White's new cannabis line . [Carl is appalled as he has a donut in his mouth], [Carl has just bought Harriette an exercise trampoline for her birthday. This is my mother. I'm being rejected in my own fantasy. Harriette Winslow: [Eddie got pulled over by the cops, and a ticket] What was the problem? Waldo Geraldo Faldo: [after pulling his underpants out of his jeans] Sir, would you do me the honor of autographing my boxer shorts? [Waldo and Maxine are dancing to R&B music and professing their love for each other. Carl Otis Winslow: [Has just gotten wind of Eddie's flyer party] Edward! Harriette Winslow: So Oona how are things in Altoona? Waldo: [Monotone while Steve mouths his words with him] Pablo was a kind and gentle creature. Why would anybody want to kill her? Cornelius Eugene Urkel aka OGD: Serious. Laura: Every time we order another course, you bring your chair closer. Steven 'Steve' Quincy Urkel: [Tries to hold Eddie from pounding their friends] Eddo. All we had to do was drop some dead guy off at the graveyard. "No mo giet itsu mana! Forget it, Steve. "Family Matters Quotes." I may get F's, but, by God, I earn them! I realize the reason you don't love me is because I'm weak. Suppose I made it happen. "Smile, if you want to have sex with me." 4. Now can you give me one good reason why I shouldn't ground you for the rest of your life. Carl Otis Winslow: [trying to convince his boss that using Urkelbot is a bad idea] But Sir, you and I have been to the Police Academy. Carl Otis Winslow: No. It's Monday! Carl, Eddie: [after Carl gets shocked from the electrical current] STEVE! Estelle 'Mother' Winslow: Good answer! Edward 'Eddie' James Arthur Winslow: Hey Steve, Was'sup? "Take out the trash, Edward." Why, it'll ruin my transcript! Let's just get there! Laura Lee Winslow: Fun? Carl, someone parked their own piece of junk in our driveway. I met Raoul. Laura Lee Winslow: Aunt Rachel, take little Richie, the Murphy twins are giving each other haircuts in the backyard! Cassie Lynn: Well, we just got some really hot photos of you being romanced by the Prince of Passion here. Steve Urkel: But, I've been practicing and my progress is impressive, even if I do say so myself. It is not empty at all. Can you imagine that? But, it's only a compliment and it doesn't mean anything more than that. Chain: It occurs to me that you could be wired. Carl Otis Winslow: I know. Waldo Geraldo Faldo: O.k., but I'm not Home. Eddie: I'm the one who's taking the test. Poor Laura has worked so hard and now she has to drop out of the race. I can assure you that we Urkels are a fine, old family, with a proud name. Carl Otis Winslow: [to the racist cop who pulled Eddie over] You know, I don't know how that badge stays up, because it's pinned to sludge. Edward 'Eddie' James Arthur Winslow: Ok dad. So long! To be quite frank I was embarrassed and so were all the other customers. Harriette Winslow: Carl, I save every card you give me. Steven 'Steve' Quincy Urkel: The Snooze Juice. Harriette: That won't get the stains out. So they picked up all our stuff and moved us. You'll never know how much time you'll have together. Edward 'Eddie' James Arthur Winslow: What're you so happy about? Estelle 'Mother' Winslow: Way to go Carl! Didn't you? [He and his partner grabs Willie and Waldo]. aries: "You strike me as a woman who has never been satisfied. Steven Quincy "Steve" Urkel: I demand satisfaction. And you got LOUDER every time you made the Maitre D move us to another table. Oh, the room is spinning. You think I'm fat. Would you rather be buried or cremated? Why, you teach us things about life! Estelle 'Mother' Winslow: Well, how did you miss it? Harriette Winslow: [enters the house and sees Curtis] Hi. Carl, you given me a half-eaten box of candy. Let's call it recycling. When you make a mistake, fess up to it. Harriette: Yep, they were yelling at each other and bumping bellies. Harriette Winslow: [grabbing Carl's hair] Carl [Takes her hand away, looking at it before placing it on top of his head instead]. At a party, once, he clamped cables to his earlobes and jump-started a Volkswagen. [after Carl as defeated Turbo with ease, Harriette runs up to him with her purse]. I will not give you a lock of my hair. You are under arrest! I'm sorry, call you next week? Can you give me some money so I can finish my Christmas shopping? Steve Urkel: It wasn't that play that cost you the championship. So, I figured if I doubled the temperature, I could cook it in half the time. Got anything in the fridge? You had an accident. Then Urkel shows up with Eddie and Carl and the crowd cheers for him]. Weasel: Hey loosen up, Eduardo. Harriette Winslow: [Rachel carries on about how sad it is Aunt Clotilda died] She was 94 years old. Steven 'Steve' Quincy Urkel: Well of course it's a Greek party, it's a sorority! Laura: What you did for me tonight was really special. Steve Urkel: Actually, it was my dad who said that. Laura Lee Winslow: If you have to ask, pass. I"m going to the mall to hand out gifts to orphans kids. It's a beautiful language. Check it out: Urkelbot: [Dirty Harry Impression] Go ahead, punk! Bazooms! Steven Quincy Urkel: Come on, yeast! Steven 'Steve' Quincy Urkel: I have been scared straight, I saw a guy who had a tattoo of a battleship. Dad took Waldo instead of me. Harriette Winslow: [pulls up a chair] Sit down, Carl. Dadadadada! The truth is you deserve a kiss. Can you believe that? Carl: [in an Urkel like voice and gives Stefan some money] Here takes some casher rooney and fix it sooney. Steven 'Steve' Quincy Urkel: I almost wore that same suit. I'm finished with this witness, your honor! Aunt Oona: The water main snapped when the roof collapsed. Steve Urkel: I bought two tickets to a concert that Laura wants to go to and offered to take her as my, get this, date! Laura: [Long pause] Your looks. Fortunately, when I was young I had no friends. Steve Urkel: But, I told you. I wanna take it home and read it to my mom. Harriette Winslow: She's still pretty upset, she wouldn't even touch her dinner. Join. In the latter half of Family Matters, Steve started staying with the Winslows as his parents didn't want him around. Carl Otis Winslow: Don't get cute with me Harriet. Cornelius Eugene Urkel aka OGD: You all right, Mr.W, [he teaches Carl how to handshake in his neighborhood. Myra Monkhouse: I rearranged the chamber. Laura: Steve, you're supposed to cook those! We are properly trained. [Notices Maxine & Laura left the living room] Well, I thought it was a good story. Steven 'Steve' Quincy Urkel: [about Harriette's gingerbread house] This is a work of art. It's late. Carl Otis Winslow: [ordering in a coffee shop] Just a bearclaw and a coffee. Edward 'Eddie' James Arthur Winslow: We took in $2,000 dad and we want you to have it. [Waldo has just given Eddie a list of IOU at Mighty Weenie]. right next to the bathroom. I'm going to give you an 'A'. 1 The Shrink Machine Was Made To Make The Winslows Plenty Of Money. I can't think of a single reason not to do this every week. Judy Winslow: Boring. Steve Urkel: Calm down? Carl Otis Winslow: Hey, I'm here for you, baby. [Steve has just fallen off the tree and onto the Coopers' pet Doberman, Damien. He opted ofr early retirement. Steven 'Steve' Quincy Urkel: Rachel Crawfish? I'm drawn to you. So, if I tell him I don't remember him, I'll look like a jerk and I still won't remember him. Estelle 'Mother' Winslow: Yeah, you have to use bleach. Steve Urkel: [as Waldo hands Steve a cup of the spiked punch] Why should I Laura, I'm the pife of the larty! The man was open all day! Steven 'Steve' Quincy Urkel: [seeing what Laura looks like without sleep] You remind me of a movie star. Harriette: This feud between you and Nick is getting out of control. Well, why didn't you tell me? You are such a sweetheart. Steven 'Steve' Quincy Urkel: Well hold on there big guy, listen to this. Carl Otis Winslow: Two stalks of broccoli and three pieces of asparagus? Curtis: I don't know how to tell you this, but I have to tell you straight out. I'll teach you. Trying to cover it up only make things worse. Carl Otis Winslow: Or in my case, Hello Rubber Chicken. I never got less than than an A. Steve Urkel: So, I can't live with that! Now hit the sack. [Steve is eating frozen fish sticks out of the box]. Laura Lee Winslow: Well I guess Steve was practicing his accordion. You're setting a bad example for the kids. We're doing our best to make sure our content is useful, accurate and safe.If by any chance you spot an inappropriate comment while navigating through our website please use this form to let us know, and we'll take care of it shortly. Rachel Crawford: Oh. You know, Harriette, It's the thought that counts. Carl Otis Winslow: [More excitedly] Yes, ma'am! Laura Lee Winslow: Hey, my locker's open! What's for dinner, milk and cookies? [Carl steps in the chamber and Stefan starts it up]. Steve Urkel: [opens the back door] Surprise. ", Harriette Winslow: She looked at me with tears in her eyes, and she said "Why, Mom?". Edward 'Eddie' Winslow: Then how 'bout a nice juicy thigh? Eddie: I guess this means you're gonna ground us, huh? Harriette Winslow: These flowers are not fresh. Steve Urkel: [after discovering that the stereo in Eddie's car has had its serial number scratched off] Uh-uh. Rachel Crawford: The balcony scene is next. Steve is the perfect son. Cassie Lynn: All's fair in love and politics. Harriette Winslow: Now let me get this straight. Laura: By being born first. Then there's in the summer, when we use him as a human bug zapper. Mont gio sam eea!". Carl: I'll tell you what's sad Harriette, I've watched two full hours of the "Bridges Of Madison County" and Clint didn't blow up one bridge! It's a "non-date". Harriette: Don't even think like that. Quotes.net. Steve Urkel: Don't we remind you of The Temptations? Waldo Geraldo Faldo: Hey, cut me some slack. Sure, it may cover your hiney, but if you make a habit of it, you've got a serious problem. Let eserviate on the bright side. [Steve goes to answer the door] I'm going to consummate, I'm going to consummate. Steven 'Steve' Quincy Urkel: Get lost, Laura! Stefan Urkelle: It's not just a transformation chamber. Aunt Oona: Well not good, my kitchen exploded. Edward 'Eddie' James Arthur Winslow: Yes sir. Laura Lee Winslow: That you'll never go into outer space again. When are you going to the store? Steve Urkel: Oh, well, no problem-o. [Maxine laughs hysterically after she leaves the house]. Carl: Maybe I should laugh a little bit more, huh? I'm starved. It's fascinating. Harriette Winslow: She says OGD's a great kid, but he hasn't had it easy in his life. THIS? Waldo: I'm sorry, Steve. no. Then, you broke my car, and it cost me every cent I got to fix it and rent this "delightful" room here at the "Fleabag Inn". Laura Lee Winslow: Then she demanded her money back when she found out that she modeled ladies underwear. Edward 'Eddie' James Arthur Winslow: Caterer trainees. More like The Repulsions. I'm cooking breakfast. Rachel Crawford: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! I love this lady [Laura] and I can come over here anytime I want to and you can't stop me! Harriette Winslow: I know. This means you guys have to go together. This is my grandmother's wedding and $1500. Seems I'm having all the luck. A spin-off of Perfect Strangers, the series revolves around the Winslow family, a middle-class African American family living in Chicago, Illinois. Yesterday he said 'get lost, Fido Face!' Laura: Is it my imagination or is your voice lower? Pull your gun right now. Carl Otis Winslow: Yep, Benjamin Banneker. Like a moth to a flame. Steve Urkel: Edward this stuff's been hawked. Some of our pickup lines are just for laughs. Could you write that 'A' down on a piece of paper? Steve Urkel: [Steve picks up the cord to the satelite dish] Sloppy, Sloppy, Sloppy! Rachel Crawford: Well at least we know where it is. No Traffic. That's one for the books! I want to know why my instructions were not followed. Rachel Crawford: I'll just take your word for it. Carl Otis Winslow: I understand that. Laura: Steve, did you eat that moldy cheese? Steve Urkel: I've taken a vow of chastity. Rachel Crawford: Right. Steve Urkel: My Blood pressure. Steven 'Steve' Quincy Urkel: Uh no, Waldo, state your name. Did you see them work on Dora Fenswick? Carl Otis Winslow: Well is she still crying? Now I know, I'm not worthy of you- but I love you more now then I did then- Laura Lee Winslow- will you marry me? Eddie: Did Halle Berry return my phone call? My daughter's been hurt and I can't do a thing about it. Carl Otis Winslow: Edward, who are all these kids? Estelle 'Mother' Winslow: Aww that's cute. We'll start with a common Korean phrase. Harriette Winslow: Carl I am not a weak, wimpy woman whose afraida to speak her mind. Estelle Winslow: Your great grandfather's name was Lester. Laura and Judy, divide up the rest between Barbie doll fans and Lego lovers and get them upstairs too! White, known for playing Steve Urkel on the 1990s sitcom "Family Matters," is. I'm getting penalized because I'm emotionally stable! It's the closest I'll ever get to marrying you- thats why I wanted you to have this- no strings attached- just the one to my heart. Lt. Murtaugh: Keep the pace, Mr. Backwards Hat! Eddie Winslow, front and center! Isn't that sad? Harriette Winslow: [Waldo crashes his snowmobile in the Winslows' living room] Waldo? I'm Stefan sweet thing. Carl: Rough. I wanna show you something. Steve Urkel: Hey, you gotta get up if want to get dow oh [guests scream as Steve falls off the edge of the roof]. Steve Urkel: Oh, no I'm not. Steve Urkel: All right! Willie Fuffner: That's different, you're my friend. Carl: I am not. Steven 'Steve' Quincy Urkel: Freddy Krueger! What do you use to get weighed, a postage scale? My head pops out! Steve Urkel: Uh-oh. Steve Urkel: [Runs across the couch to get away] Fine, fine, fine! Carl Otis Winslow: I understand that. Steve Urkel: Look, I know the pay is lousy, the hours are long, and you hardly ever get the credit you deserve. Steve Urkel: Well, if I did, nobody would ever let me in. How much will that cost me? Laura: You know, I shouldn't be mingling with the opposition, but I just wanted to tell you how handsome you look under fluorescent lighting. Her temperature shot up and she tossed more cookies than the Keebler elf. No. I told the janitor about our little problem here. Bushwhacker Luke: Me and me brother, we hate cops! 11 days ago. Eddie: I don't believe wat just happened, dad took Waldo to the bulls game. Steve Urkel: [singing] Fishing on Lake Wannamuk. [splashes Waldo with the spiked punch]. the signs as potential pick up lines from hamilton. Laura Lee Winslow: One of them is my best friend. Harriette you're the one who said you're fat. Carl: What are you talking about? Rachel Crawford: It's okay, Steve. Look how big and thick it is! Laura: Steve Urkel, you are the most annoying human being that I have ever met! 6. I bought a new dress and you say you can't take me? I've decided to retire from the theatre arts department. Steve Urkel: Well, look at his poor, pathetic face. Steve Urkel: Ssssh, not while I'm pouring. But our little town only had ONE library, and it was for whites only. [Steve comes out of the freezer at Rachel's Place shivering]. Laura: There's an Urkel in our defense department? Estelle 'Mother' Winslow: Harriette, stupid means good. Harriette Winslow: Abrasive? Your dad's runnin' late. Why he showed great strength of character and what's his reward: you fire him. Harriette Winslow: No, you don't have to remind me of nothing. And sometimes I was sorry I ever started the whole thing, but I didn't quit. Carl Otis Winslow: [Laura comes home distraught] Laura, what happened? Harriette Winslow: Oh lord. Steve Urkel: Mmm, steak. Bushwhacker Luke: Me mother was arrested by cops last night! Waldo: Thanks for helping me find the gym. Let's keep this one! Steve Urkel: Laura, this is a a really special moment and well, I think we should celebrate it by getting married. Steven 'Steve' Quincy Urkel: Only when we kiss, Laura Lee, only when we kiss [they passionately kiss]. Myrtle Urkel: Oh, just two weeks. Maybe abrasive is the wrong word. Oh, good. Carl Otis Winslow: Thanks for the present son. [looks over to the busted parts of the transformation chamber]. Laura Lee Winslow: No surprise visits from Steve Urkel. Chocum hi chip chok!". Empty the cash register! Get me a cherry slurpy! It's not fair. 1. And from that day on, EVERYBODY could use that library. We were just having a little fun. There's lots of reasons why I don't love you. Carl Otis Winslow: Look at it again, Harriette. Edward 'Eddie' James Arthur Winslow: Oh really, why wasn't I told? Every time I'm around them, my mind goes blank. No, you're not invited. Steve Urkel: Well, it starts out with a little cough. Eddie borrowed money from me. Steve Urkel: [about the music video] This is going to be the biggest bomb since Howard the Duck. Then there's in the summer, when we use him as a human bug zapper. Rachel Crawford: Good. Harriette Winslow, Carl Otis Winslow, Laura Lee Winslow, Rachel Crawford, Estelle 'Mother' Winslow, Judy Winslow, Edward 'Eddie' James Arthur Winslow: [in the rap video] We are a family, we share all we got and that's easy to see, cuz we are a family! How about the next round we switch colors? Sorry I'm late, but I got my tongue stuck in the printing press. [Comes out and fights Willie as the students cheer for a fight between Urkel and Fuffner], [Waldo and Wille has just gotten out of class to trash Urkel's locker]. Laura Lee Winslow: No, I think we learned that Steve's experiments has gone too far. Weasel: [pulls out a lot of cash from his pockets] Look at this $1500 dead presidents and the homies are still coming in. Carl: [after kicking Steve out of the house] And don't you ever come back! Harriette Winslow: Mr. Niedermeyer, the only thing that's gonna go by is you. Steven 'Steve' Quincy Urkel: Hey dad. This causes Steve, Waldo and Weasel to leave and Eddie laughs nervously]. Robber: Oh yeah? Verbs are our friends. Laura Lee Winslow: Did they let you take one? [Faces Eddie] Look at him, charming, handsome, popular. Alexandre Dumas was black. Steve Urkel: [ice pack on his head from a hangover, Carl just told him a story from his drinking days] Eh he he, ow, eh he he ow, [snorts] WHOOAAOOH! Steve who? Harriette Winslow: Are your parents happy with the new you? Carl: Uh, just bring us burgers and fries. You're grounded for two weeks and you are to stay away from my car until it learns self-defense. Don't nothing, never mind me, Carl. While a miserable Eddie has to play checkers with Steve. [Steve thinks Rachel is in love with him, but she is really in love with another man named Steve]. And believe you me, I know what being different is all about. Whoa, I'm being pushed back in! Harriette Winslow: And you think I'm FAT? On the way to the Sizzle Club, I took a little detour to the precinct. [Puts his jacket on and heads to the Door], Waldo Geraldo Faldo: I may get F's, but, by God, I earn them! But, I'd be willing to pay you. Steve Urkel: Did I mention my dad knows Wayne Newton? Steve Urkel: So, you used me! Reading, 'Riting and Racism? and-so-the-balance-shifts-blog. Eddie: Name's Eddie Winslow, but my friends call me Eddie. Edward 'Eddie' James Arthur Winslow: I was thinking you could help me during the test. Laura Lee Winslow: That's right, I don't know, and I still like the Cards. Once, I found them in Milwaukee living under an assumed name! This isn't my grandmother. 1. Laura: Well, he's all yours, Eddie. Carl: What? Maxine Johnson: Ooh Laura, you look good. Laura Lee Winslow: What're you guys going to see at the dinner theater? Curtis Williams: Laura, great timing. Carl Otis Winslow: Edward, why can't you manage money like your brother, Steve? Laura Lee Winslow: No, it's the whole school! Carl = Son, you have disobeyed me for a woman? No. Laura: I was thinking about taking a home economics class so I can learn how to cook. I'm on duty? My doctor slapped the wrong end. Steven 'Steve' Quincy Urkel: Laura, suppose I arrange for you to meet Johnny Gill personally. Carl Otis Winslow: Well there's no rush. [Goes to feel his head]. Steve Urkel: You yelled at me and you called me a butthead! Carl Otis Winslow: You know you were rude to that guy, Harriette. [Eddie, Clarence and Steve are arrested by the police for theft.]. Carl Otis Winslow: Harriette, they applauded when we left. I won't be able to take you to the prom. Laura Lee Winslow: I don't know, and quite frankly, I'm tired of thinking about it. Well it's not cool. Steve Urkel: All right, Laura, we'll randeavou at the Isetta. All the doo da day. Eddie: I don't see what getting beat up is gonna prove. And I know that baseball card meant a lot to you. Pretty girl, dark hair your sister for God's sake! What do you have to say for yourselves? Edward 'Eddie' James Arthur Winslow: Seymour Butts? He woke me up too. Edward 'Eddie' James Arthur Winslow: Yeah?